Orphalin Annie

There are many things that are difficult to prepare for when you have a child - the shear exhaustion from not getting enough sleep and trying to keep up with everything, the overwhelming joy you can experience from the smallest things like the smile your child gives you, the desire you have instinctually to protect him from any and all bad things that can happen.  What has surprised me the most however, is the loneliness.  From the outside, motherhood seemed like a club to me.  Play groups, mom’s day out, date nights, blogs, parenting classes; it seemed as though there was always a mom friend there to commiserate with.  When I became pregnant I looked forward to finding a little group of my own but still maintaining the friendships I had prior to pregnancy. I can’t say that I found my experience to be that way.  I have a few friends I have been able to talk to about baby related issues but a lot of people have simply disappeared from my life.  In some ways I completely understand.  Prior to my having a child, I really didn’t know what my “new mom” friends needed.  I would think about calling them but then thought it might be too late, or that they were busy with the baby.  I also got tired of friends who would try to have a conversation with me while talking to their child at the same time.  I knew they didn’t want to hear about my latest race or spontaneous fancy dinners or shopping sprees and quite honestly I didn’t want to hear about potty training, breastfeeding, or the pros and cons of baby products.  Neither of us got the other’s frame of reference.  I can only assume that my single and childless friends feel the same way about me.  Still I would welcome a night out with a girlfriend and would be happy to talk about anything other than the baby.  Obviously he is a major part of my life and yes, things have changed, but I am not a completely different person and I am more than just one thing.  I will never hesitate to show photos of him (he is very cute) but it is erroneous to assume that I want to dominate the conversation with tales of his latest skills.  I will continue to make efforts and search for a niche of my own, but I do have a request to all those ladies out there, especially those who don’t have kids - if you have a girlfriend who has a baby, give her a call, ask her out to lunch or dinner or coffee, you will see she is still the same girl she was before, your friend, who still needs you in her life too.